Future Stuff
by CraftyNotepad
Summary: There's more popular stuff from 2121 than just the Wizrd and InvisoSpray, y' know. Reach in the box and tell us what you find!
1. HandiCap

Disclaimer: I don't own Phil of the Future. I just love the series!

Author's Note: Call it a mini-challenge, if you like. Let's go to the back of his closet and open Phil's futuristic footlocker and pull out some more of his 22nd Century marvels, gizmos, and doodads. Just a little ad copy to make your fellow 21st Century PotF readers drool. I'll start this off by just reaching in and pulling out ...

** The Handi-Cap! **

The Handi-Cap! Ever have too much to hold and not enough hands to do the job? Remember wanting to applaud, but only having one hand free? What about saying, "Can you give me a hand?," "Please, lend me a hand?," "All I'm asking for is your daughter's hand in marriage," and "I ONLY HAVE TWO HANDS!,"?

Solve your dilemmas now, Now, NOW!

Wear the Handi-Cap!

Yes, our five fingers of assistance is providing that third hand you've always dreamed of having. Never again suffer when you have your hands full and your nose or anywhere else itches. Let it wave "bye-bye" for you to your handful of chores that are just too much for two hands. Show the world how you feel with finger gestures as you have your hands full with your purchases! (Sloppy finger work not the liability of The Handi-Cap Limited, a subsidiary of Wizrd Corp.)

Also now available in our new ten-digit model! Be ready next time you hear, "Hands Up! Nobody Move!"

* * *

Don't doubt for a moment that Pim and the rest have their own footlockers, too!

(Suggested items: Smart Aleck Jewelry, iBag, PelletPets, SnowGlobe, ButterFlyBall, Dark Lightbulbs, Charm-in-a-Bottle, Waste-Away, U-C-Me, Portable Pocket Pool, Phfftt!, BigBrother Bracelet, AnotherDay, BuryMe, Memory Stickers (aka, Forget Me Knots), atomic skin magnets, Insane Ice, Stuck-On-You, Melt A-Way, Mind Reader)


	2. OUG2CM?

Disclaimer: I don't own Phil of the Future. I just love the series!

Author's Note: Call it a mini-challenge, if you like. Let's go to the back of his closet and open Phil's futuristic footlocker and pull out some more of his 22nd Century marvels, gizmos, and doodads. Just a little ad copy to make your fellow 21st Century PotF readers drool. I'll start this off by just reaching in and pulling out ...

Knock-knock.

Who's there?

Orange.

Orange who?

Orange you glad to see me?

Huh? What does that mean?

Just look in the mirror, Sucker.

AHHH!

**Orange-U-Glad-2-C-Me? Gum**

Stuck in the shadows? Snubbed by the popular crowd? Is a mean girl making your life miserable? Orange them all! Wrapped nostalgically in an aluminum foil substitute, it's an innocent-loooking stick of gum which you offer (or sell) to to your victim. After a dozen or so chews -- which allows plenty of time to leave the scene of the crime -- unless you like to watch in person, OUG2SCM? gum turns his oblivious epidermis orange. Outstanding! He'll be outstanding, indeed, dyed from head to toe in O.J.-shaded skin. Six sticks to a pack, six targets awaiting an orange dip! Swipe your credit card now! Orange-U-Glad-U-did?

* * *

(Suggested items: Smart Aleck Jewelry, iBag, PelletPets, SnowGlobe, ButterFlyBall, Dark Lightbulbs, Charm-in-a-Bottle, Waste-Away, U-C-Me, Portable Pocket Pool, Phfftt!, BigBrother Bracelet, AnotherDay, BuryMe, Memory Stickers (aka, Forget Me Knots), atomic skin magnets, Insane Ice, Stuck-On-You, Melt A-Way, and Mind Reader)


	3. LipStix

Disclaimer: I don't own Phil of the Future. I just love the series!

Author's Note: Call it a mini-challenge, if you like. Let's go to the back of his closet and open Phil's futuristic footlocker and pull out some more of his 22nd Century marvels, gizmos, and doodads. Just a little ad copy to make your fellow 21st Century PotF readers drool. I'll start this off by just reaching in and pulling out ...

LipStix

What's more important to you: keeping your boyfriend or being called a little "tacky" by those who wanted to steal him? Hang on to your man with LipStix. Active Biological Binding Agents (ABBA) stimulate skin so each kiss tingles, even tickles because you cared enough to buy LipStix. Your lover will come to you craving your kisses. Forget his hands, he won't be able to keep his lips off of yours! Now new LipStix flavors available: Elmers, Scotch, Wonderbond, in addtion to the originally flavored Velcro LipStix. Remember, stick with LipStix and he'll stick with you!

Consumer Warning: **DO NOT USE ALONE ON YOURSELF!** (Or the family dog, for that matter!) Lone activation of LipStix is known to cause Narcissistic Personality Disorder which is not covered by global health plans.

* * *

(Suggested items: **Cheeseola and other future soft drinks**, Smart Aleck Jewelry, iBag, PelletPets, SnowGlobe, ButterFlyBall, Dark Lightbulbs, Charm-in-a-Bottle, Waste-Away, U-C-Me, Portable Pocket Pool, Phfftt!, BigBrother Bracelet, AnotherDay, BuryMe, Memory Stickers (aka, Forget Me Knots), atomic skin magnets, Insane Ice, Stuck-On-You, Melt A-Way, and Mind Reader)


	4. TGIF

Disclaimer: I don't own Phil of the Future. I just love the series!

Author's Note: Call it a mini-challenge, if you like. Let's go to the back of his closet and open Phil's futuristic footlocker and pull out some more of his 22nd Century marvels, gizmos, and doodads. Just a little ad copy to make your fello 21st Century PotF readers drool. I'll start this off by just reaching in and pulling out ...

**A.C.M.E Attack Animals**

Here at A.C.M.E. (Angry Critters Mobilized Everywhere), you've loved our rabid goldfish birthday favors, Hamsters From Hell, and who can forget Bradley: the Bullying Butterfly from Buffalo? Now we have a new line of angry critters for home and office. No more crippling lawsuits because your trained dobermans chewed off the burglar's gun hand. We use only wild animals native to your region. These will now be "Acts of Nature." You've never even seen these good samaritan squirrels before. Explain to the investigating officers how they must be just a local herd of squirrels which somehow made it inside your hallways and took down the intruder hard - maybe he had peanut butter on his breath - you don't know. Or maybe we've trained them to deal with the nuts in your neighborhood so you won't have to. Yes, A.C.M.E.'s Attack Animals (just request Triple-A) blend into the natural background, then POUNCE, RIP, TEAR and RENDER offenders without mercy and without any bread crumbs leading anyone back to you. One? You'll want to order a dozen. Turtles of Titan! Order a herd! A flock! A swarm! Stealthy owls and hawks offer night and day aerial patrolling while gators and crocs promise that you'll be the one smiling when intruders dare to take a bite out of what's yours. Try our Triple-A sentries and you'll breathe easier. As for your intruders? Well, let's just say that A.C.M.E.'s rabbits will give them a good thumpin'.

Coming next: Hibernation Capsules.

* * *

(**Suggested items: **Cheeseola and other future soft drinks, Smart Aleck Jewelry, iBag, PelletPets, SnowGlobe, ButterFlyBall, Dark Lightbulbs, Charm-in-a-Bottle, Waste-Away, U-C-Me, Portable Pocket Pool, Phfftt!, BigBrother Bracelet, AnotherDay, BuryMe, Memory Stickers (aka, Forget Me Knots), atomic skin magnets, Insane Ice, Stuck-On-You, Melt A-Way, and Mind Reader)


	5. Attack Squirrels

Disclaimer: I don't own Phil of the Future. I just love the series!

Author's Note: Call it a mini-challenge, if you like. Let's go to the back of his closet and open Phil's futuristic footlocker and pull out some more of his 22nd Century marvels, gizmos, and doodads. Just a little ad copy to make your fello 21st Century PotF readers drool. I'll start this off by just reaching in and pulling out ...

**A.C.M.E Attack Animals**

Here at A.C.M.E. (Angry Critters Mobilized Everywhere), you've loved our rabid goldfish birthday favors, Hamsters From Hell, and who can forget Bradley: the Bullying Butterfly from Buffalo? Now we have a new line of angry critters for home and office. No more crippling lawsuits because your trained dobermans chewed off the burglar's gun hand. We use only wild animals native to your region. These will now be "Acts of Nature." You've never even seen these good samaritan squirrels before. Explain to the investigating officers how they must be just a local herd of squirrels which somehow made it inside your hallways and took down the intruder hard - maybe he had peanut butter on his breath - you don't know. Or maybe we've trained them to deal with the nuts in your neighborhood so you won't have to. Yes, A.C.M.E.'s Attack Animals (just request Triple-A) blend into the natural background, then POUNCE, RIP, TEAR and RENDER offenders without mercy and without any bread crumbs leading anyone back to you. One? You'll want to order a dozen. Turtles of Titan! Order a herd! A flock! A swarm! Stealthy owls and hawks offer night and day aerial patrolling while gators and crocs promise that you'll be the one smiling when intruders dare to take a bite out of what's yours. Try our Triple-A sentries and you'll breathe easier. As for your intruders? Well, let's just say that A.C.M.E.'s rabbits will give them a good thumpin'.

Coming next: Hibernation Capsules.

* * *

(**Suggested items: **Cheeseola and other future soft drinks, Smart Aleck Jewelry, iBag, PelletPets, SnowGlobe, ButterFlyBall, Dark Lightbulbs, Charm-in-a-Bottle, Waste-Away, U-C-Me, Portable Pocket Pool, Phfftt!, BigBrother Bracelet, AnotherDay, BuryMe, Memory Stickers (aka, Forget Me Knots), atomic skin magnets, Insane Ice, Stuck-On-You, Melt A-Way, and Mind Reader)


	6. Hibernation Pills

Disclaimer: I don't own Phil of the Future. I just love the series!

Author's Note: Call it a mini-challenge, if you like. Let's go to the back of his closet and open Phil's futuristic footlocker and pull out some more of his 22nd Century marvels, gizmos, and doodads. Just a little ad copy to make your fellow 21st Century PotF readers drool. I'll start this off by just reaching in and pulling out ...

**_Boris has the right idea, adding his own ideas in his review. Thank you, Boris!_**

**Hibernation Capsules**

"WHAT THE --??! What is this?! A marshmallow storm? Can't seen anything for all these ... oh, yeah. 'Retract Collision Balloons.'"

"Boop-Beep." The oversized pillowy pods deflated and retreated like scared white mice back into their recesses of his Time Flyer 2000 as his command was obeyed. Internal lighting flickered, cables drooped from openings created by popped off ceiling panels. He attempted to discover just what had happened by accessing the time engine's CPU ... but it just flashed the current year, 2063 giggled. "Hee-hee! Hi Andy! Having a little time traveling trouble, Jerko? Maybe because you forgot something. Now, what was it? Stressed out Hysterical Fuel Cells? Forget to set your Temporal Photonic Beam Splitter ahead an hour? Could it be YOU LEFT WITHOUT THE DIFFYS?

Creep.

Enjoy you little stay in the twenty-first century, Dillwad. You'll be an old man when I get a hold of you. If you think this is pay back, nope. This is just a down payment. Think on that while the next half-century 'rolls' over you, 'Grandpa.'"

Andy Baxley never did care for any of the Diffys; Pim hadn't been any different from the rest; though now, she had earned a special revenge from him. His time machine sabotaged and him not the positronic engineer that Lloyd Diffy was, whatever was broken would stay broken. Pim Diffy had got him good. Andy smiled.

"Nose verified: Andy Baxley." His hand reached in and to the back of the craft's secure box to find what the better time machines carried. Unfortunately, the Diffys' was a rental. He read the prescription on the bottle:

**HIBERNATION CAPSULES**

_So, you're stuck in the past, are you? Well, time travel, like life, is a gamble. Color coded like poker chips, swallow the desired combinations to dream away the calendar back to civilization:_

_White, 1 Year  
Blue, 10 Years  
Black, 1 Century  
Burgundy, 10 Centuries_

_Sorry if you've gone back to the oh-so-popular days of the dinosaurs. We just don't have a pill big enough to handle that much time. (Well, we do actually, but we haven't found anyone who's willing to take it.)_

Andy filled his SwagBag with his belongings, piling them atop his souvenirs from his time with President Lincoln. He'd find someplace remote and safe to sleep away the half-century. He'd take just enough to be there when the Diffys departed on their ill-fated vacation. Andy Baxley smiled, flipped a switch, and ran out of his graduation gift before the Time Flyer's element condenser overloaded and sucked it's time machine into its own singularity, erasing the presence of his crash landing's evidence.

Yawning in anticipation of his upcoming nap, he asked himself, "Now, how do I flag down an aircab in this lame-headed century?"

* * *

**(Suggested items: **Cheeseola and other future soft drinks, Smart Aleck Jewelry, iBag, PelletPets, SnowGlobe, ButterFlyBall, Dark Lightbulbs, Charm-in-a-Bottle, Waste-Away, U-C-Me, Portable Pocket Pool, Phfftt!, BigBrother Bracelet, AnotherDay, BuryMe, Memory Stickers (aka, Forget Me Knots), atomic skin magnets, Insane Ice, Stuck-On-You, Melt A-Way, and Mind Reader)


	7. Snowball Bazooka

Disclaimer: I don't own Phil of the Future. I just love the series!

Author's Note: Call it a mini-challenge, if you like. Let's go to the back of his closet and open Phil's futuristic footlocker and pull out some more of his 22nd Century marvels, gizmos, and doodads. Just a little ad copy to make your fellow 21st Century PotF readers drool. I'll start this off by just reaching in and pulling out ...

**About As Likely As A Snowball In August ...**

June, anyway. The scene: H.G. Wells Jr./Sr. High School a week before the school year ends. Quick scan with the Wizrd ... targets approaching and no witnesses for at least eight seconds

"HEY! YOU WITH THE FACE!"

**FUMP**

**FUMP**

**FUMP**

**FUMP**

Four direct hits pasting Pim's targets in their pusses in the middle of the school hallway. Gotta love that Fashion Zombies are always in season. Pim snapped a quick pic for the next stage of her evil plan of -- some would say "vengeful revenge" -- she preferred "long overdue justice." Uh-oh, Candida's about to throw a hissy fit. With a feather light touch, young Miss Diffy collapsed the barrel of her Snowballs-In-August Bazooka. This action triggered the standby mode, quieting the ambiant air moisture condensor and shutting down its Maxwell's demon* refrigeration corridor. Pim grinned. Ever since she had finally decided to unpack her belongings, she had been having the most fun in this rinky-dinky century. Not even her pain-in-the-backside brother and his girlfriend of perpetual perkiness could manage to foil her plots any longer. [Snicker] Collapsed, the snowball cannon resembled a "modern" era CD-case and a 22nd Century portable bathroom (Pim does have bathroom issues when time traveling.), but activated, it collected moisture from the air, freezing the fluid by way of its vortex tube, reconstituting it as instructed by the simply silent thumb control: slushy, snowball, icicles, and hailstorm. The remaining hot air is compressed and used to propel its discharges with laser squash speeds toward the target.

Pim turned the corner. Blasted noise maker in Cadida's throat was going to cut off all escape routes. Only option left to her. Expanded again to full size, Pim took a breath and thumbed the trigger for for slushy.

**FIRE!**

Mr. Hackett concluded that Pim was an earlier victim of the snowball assaulter, and dealt with the incidents by writing a scathing bulletin for Keely Teslow to read in tomorrow's morning announcement. (Snowballs in the hallway just aren't covered in his pocket-sized copy of the school bylaws.) Pim? She experienced an old tradition of consuming chicken soup to deal with a summer cold.

* * *

_*Maxwell's demon, first proposed by the Mid-nineteenth Century physicist James Maxwell, as a helpful entity which separates faster hot and slower cold air molecules into two separate containers in order to violate the Second Law of Thermodynamics. This fluidic slight-of-hand is seemingly accomplished by the Twentieth Century tech of a vortex tube, in which room temperature air is pumped into a T-shaped pipe, with cold air coming out of one end and hot air from the remaining pipe end._

* * *

**(Suggested items: **Cheeseola and other future soft drinks, Smart Aleck Jewelry, iBag, PelletPets, SnowGlobe, ButterFlyBall, Dark Lightbulbs, Charm-in-a-Bottle, Waste-Away, U-C-Me, Portable Pocket Pool, Phfftt!, BigBrother Bracelet, AnotherDay, BuryMe, Memory Stickers (aka, Forget Me Knots), atomic skin magnets, Insane Ice, Stuck-On-You, Melt A-Way, and Mind Reader)


	8. jUst say kNOw smart pills

Disclaimer: I don't own Phil of the Future. I just love the series!

Author's Note: Call it a mini-challenge, if you like. Let's go to the back of his closet and open Phil's futuristic footlocker and pull out some more of his 22nd Century marvels, gizmos, and doodads. Just a little ad copy to make your fellow 21st Century PotF readers drool. I'll start this off by just reaching in and pulling out ...

* * *

**jUst say kNOw**

Have to go to your boss's for dinner tonight?

Reunion time once more?

Fifth-generation smart pills, jUst say kNOw eliminates any unnecessary previewing of subject matter -- even Level Two Gonknoys will be envious of your instantaneous mastery of current events, politics, the company instruction manuals, your family's geneology, your boss's husband's geneology, ... you'll know it all! jUst say kNOw pills are chocked full of communication nanites which tap directly into your personal Wizrd with our Giggle Adapter (optional). Yes, we all know our history and the tragic tales of how the original smart pill caused popularity problems. No one will be slapping signs on your back declaring you a smart aleck, poindexter, or brainiac; we've taken care of all that with our quadruple redundancy humility filters. Engaged, they'll not only keep you from boring at thirty paces, but you'll also never not realize when it's time to shut up.

jUst say kNOw pills are not be used in conjunction with Homework Helmets; in fact, they will disengage from both your Wizrd and Giggle if this is attempted. Sorry, Kids. They made us do that.

* * *

**(Suggested items: **Cheeseola and other future soft drinks, Smart Aleck Jewelry, iBag, PelletPets, SnowGlobe, ButterFlyBall, Dark Lightbulbs, Charm-in-a-Bottle, Waste-Away, U-C-Me, Portable Pocket Pool, Phfftt!, BigBrother Bracelet, AnotherDay, BuryMe, Memory Stickers (aka, Forget Me Knots), atomic skin magnets, Insane Ice, Stuck-On-You, Melt A-Way, and Mind Reader)


End file.
